I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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