how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
