im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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