You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
