we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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