can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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