I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
