Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
