Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
