hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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