I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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