I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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