dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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