i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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