none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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