my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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