she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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