and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
