I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
