I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
