i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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