This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
