I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
