she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
