omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
