Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
