If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
