Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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