Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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