Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
