Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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