Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
