There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
