Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
