I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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