Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
