is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
