i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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