the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
