please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
