I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When are your genitals available?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
