Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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