So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
