you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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