I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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