So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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