I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Im part way to drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
