Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
