Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
