im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
